A Piece of Kake

The playground antics of elementary-school boys are at once comical and revolting. As miniature men, they compete relentlessly, and turning down a dare is social suicide, with effects that reverberate through high school. Eating bugs, jumping from the jungle gym, tackling in football, and chasing girls are some of the main events. As I observed the other sex as a child, I regularly thanked God for making me a girl. Second-grade feminism declared “Girls rule, boys drool!” and I staunchly advocated this position.

My contentment subsided as gender relations became more confusing in middle school. Guys, as the boys were now called, still seemed repulsive and retarded. But they also seemed to have it so much easier. Everything that was complicated for girls—clothes, hair, thoughts, feelings, friends—seemed simple for boys. And they didn’t even have to worry about make-up, bras, or tampons. I was bothered that girls were supposed to wait for guys to “ask them out,” even though I would never have the confidence to ask someone.

In high school I added to my list of complains the fact that women were supposed to submit to their husbands, and had the dirty work of bearing children. I wasn’t sure how to reconcile my views with the Bible’s take on marriage, so I vowed never to marry. And as if it would do any good, I wished I was a boy, although I was not gender-confused in the clinical sense.

I must confess, my behavior wasn’t very consistent with my wish. I wore dresses nearly every day, had long hair, and obsessively read women authors. I even prayed that if God wanted me to marry, He would not make me endure a bunch of boyfriends, but that I could efficiently marry the first guy I dated. Graciously, God said yes, and I said yes at the young age of twenty.

Neil Brooks dancer look-alike

But what does a wife who doesn’t want to be a woman do? For I was still harboring ingratitude about my identity. I was glad about being female because I loved Neil and liked being his wife. By the time I got married, I understood biblical submission is not degrading or subservient, and biblical leadership is not pushing people around. I trusted that Neil would be a good leader most of the time, and I was willing to learn how to follow him. Often, I learn what submission is by practicing what it isn’t: making significant decisions without talking to my husband, or worrying about matters he said he’d take care of, or getting defensive instead of listening to him, or being mean instead of forgiving.

Almost five years later, I feel increasingly grateful to God for my identity and His design for women and marriage. For me this appreciation could only come from experiencing how deeply fulfilling it is to follow a man who is committed to the Lord. To any woman who is contemplating marriage, please don’t marry a man you wouldn’t want to follow. If you don’t think he is worth following (because he doesn’t consistently follow the Lord), then think again!

Marriage is like ballroom dancing. There’s a reason the man leads. Both people can’t lead the dance, or it wouldn’t work. The partners would be constantly stepping all over each other’s feet and bumping into walls. Instead of creating art, they would just create bruises and scars on one another. Wives cause the same effect in marriage when they try to control their husbands through fighting and manipulation (and I am often guilty here). And men must learn not to fight back for control, but to win the wife’s respect through sacrificial love.

Marriage as God created, as the Bible describes in passages like Ephesians 5:22-32, is as beautiful as ballroom dancing. Two people learn to move fluidly, purposefully, and with unity. Each partner has a different role, a unique function in the dance, but neither is more valuable or essential to the routine than the other. As Elaine Stedman emphasizes in A Woman’s Worth, men and women are absolutely equal before God, but in His wisdom He made different functions for each. Sometimes the partners move in perfect unison, but often they perform complementary parts. Each person’s moves complete the other’s, connecting to form shapes, lines, and meaning that could not be accomplished alone.

Beautiful lines.

And wouldn’t it look awkward if the man performed some of the feminine steps? Wouldn’t it be unattractive if the woman hoisted the man into what should be intricate and beautiful lifts?

Anyone woman has tried partner dancing knows how much depends on the man. A woman doesn’t even really need to know how to dance well if the man is a good leader in the dance. I have performed steps I don’t even know while paired with an experienced dancer. All I needed to know was the basic steps and style of the dance, and to be willing to follow. In marriage, a woman needs her own personal walk with the Lord, and should know the Word and how to serve others. But with these basic elements, the husband’s leadership can take her new heights of faith, hope, and love. Just lean into his arms, feel the beat of the Holy Spirit, and let your husband sweep you off your feet into spiritual growth.

Gorgeous lifts.

Now I am glad my husband carries the burden and sacrifice of leading our marriage. Leadership is a huge responsibility, as I’ve experienced in serving others. Servant-leadership certainly isn’t about being in charge, bossing people around, or getting your way. Instead, in marriage both partners have the authority to serve one another. But the husband has a special responsibility before God to lead his wife spiritually. And the wife has a special role to make it easy for her husband to lead. Since getting married, I’ve found it easier to follow God by serving others, largely because of Neil’s leadership.

Professionals make very difficult dances appear effortless. And a good marriage is the result of much diligence and sacrifice. Find marriages worth looking up to and ask the couple what makes it work. I remember asking wives for examples of submission before I got married, and this helped me understand what the concept meant in everyday life.

My attitude toward having children has also changed, and now I feel privileged that I will one day experience the special connection only a woman has with her children. Just as God gave me the desire to get married when it was time, He has provided me with a yearning to have children. I encourage women of any age to let God continually reveal His design for You, because we were created to reflect God’s image in a unique way.

God delivers an outrageous command in Leviticus 11:44: “Be holy, for I am holy.” But it’s impossible to be like God, so why did He command this? Unfortunately this isn’t just one of the “those Old Testament” things we can ignore under the New Covenant, because Jesus repeated it in even clearer terms: “Be perfect, as Your heavenly Father is perfect” (Matthew 5:48). And Peter echoed it is as well: “it is written, “YOU SHALL BE HOLY, FOR I AM HOLY” (1 Peter 1:16). What are we to do with this formidable demand for God-like perfection?

Before the command, God provides a little context in Lev. 11:44: “For I am the LORD your God. Consecrate yourselves therefore, and be holy, for I am holy.”

The word consecrate, like holy, is a churchy word, and we hardly have any sense of what it means outside a religious setting. Holy and consecrate are from the same root word, which means to be set apart. The connotation is being set apart for a purpose. I could say I consecrate my stove for cooking. I don’t use my stove as a table, or a cutting board, or a chair. (I do sometimes use it as a drying rack, I’ll confess).

To be holy means to be set apart. And God is saying, “Set yourselves apart for my purposes, because I’m the LORD your God. I’m really important to you, so why not live for me?” Such a request only makes sense. Being set apart is being separate and different. God is “holy” because He’s so vastly different from us. For starters, He’s perfectly loving, a trait no human can claim. But we can learn to love more like God does, which is why he calls us to be separate and different. The high divorce rate indicates people do not understand how to love, and pop culture confirms this. Countless song lyrics, movies, and television shows reflect the selfish demands typical of modern love: “I need your love” is the theme, and that desperate plea dominates in families and friendships as well as romance.

God offers a way far different from the selfish love-taking which surrounds us. We can learn to give love instead of taking, and not in response to selfish demands. So He sets us apart from selfish taking, and sets us apart for selfless love.

But none of these synonyms for “holy” do justice to the full meaning. The idea of this verse is closer to “Be ye outlaws!” (KJV-j/k). Societal outlaws are separate because they act outside the norms of society (laws). They reject the rules, and consequently are set apart from others (prison). Until caught, they live on the margins of society, banded together with fellow criminals who are the only people willing to associate with them. In this close-knit community, they establish ethics and leadership different from those of the larger society.

Sound familiar? The description has an uncanny resemblance to the early Christians of the New Testament. But they would be appalled at the dirty cultural baggage the term “Christian” has acquired, so let’s use “the called out ones.” This is what the Bible calls them, since God called them out of the world system, to be different, separate, set apart, “called to be his own holy people” (Romans 1:7). In other words, they are called to be outlaws.

The called out ones don’t follow the normal ways of their secular counterparts. They obey the laws of the land so long as they don’t contradict their Leader. But these Jesus freaks admit to following a known criminal: “this Man…you nailed to a cross by the hands of godless men and put him to death” (Acts 2:23). Only the lowest criminals were crucified, but such was the fate of their King. Even when the formal laws are obeyed, the called out ones are a subversive group undermining the unwritten laws of power, greed, and self-first. In fact, their manual says not to conform to the patterns of this world (Romans 12:2).

Instead, these outlaws follow an different ethic, called the Greatest Commandment, the Law of Liberty, or the Royal Law. Romans 13:10, 13 summarizes the one law of the outlaw: “Owe nothing to anyone except to love one another; for he who loves his neighbor has fulfilled the law….Love does no wrong to a neighbor; therefore love is the fulfillment of the law.” Laws are superfluous when love is present; love fulfills the law, and then it goes beyond it with “joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self control; against such things there is no law” (Galatians 5:22-23).

While the called out ones live as part of normal society, they have their own marginal community which they like to call “The Body of Christ.” Working together, they have special roles assigned by their Leader and they all need each other to survive, just as human organs are interdependent (Romans 12:5). The following passage describes this community well:

“We are both hungry and thirsty, and are poorly clothed, and are roughly treated, and are homeless; and we toil, working with our own hands; when we are reviled, we bless; when we are persecuted, we endure; when we are slandered, we try to conciliate; we have become as scum of the world, the dregs of all things” (1 Corinthians 4:11-13).

Such was the standard of living among the first called out ones. They were constantly being arrested, beaten, and thrown in jail. Their property was seized unlawfully and their leaders were executed. They were literally outlaws, persecuted for worshipping a criminal through a lifestyle of love. But why did the authorities punish them for such an innocuous cause?

Because love is actually quite dangerous. God’s way of loving threatens to “upset the world,” as the early outlaws did (Acts 17:6). Love is so different from the world’s business as usual, because it breaks down barriers and ignores demands disguised as rules. The early outlaws hung out with the prostitutes, criminals, demon-possessed, lepers, paupers, and other scum of society. They ripped down ethnic, social, and gender barriers and challenged the idol worship and temple prostitution which fueled whole economies. They refused to follow the rule to settle down and build a kingdom for yourself on earth, and instead worked to grow God’s kingdom by introducing people’s to His grace.

And “Christians” today are also called out to be outlaws, living in the world, but not following its rules and ways. We’ll look at more verses about this lifestyle of outlaw love next.

I sing the Body electric,
With much more melody than Whitman,
For I sing a Body that is even more beautiful
Than that which is made with fear and wonder.
I sing the Body eclectic,
Made up of many members,
Not take-a-class-and-sign-a-covenant
And become a member members,
But hands that serve,
Feet that GO with the gospel,
Hearts and minds that make disciples,
Eyes that fix themselves on Jesus
As they run the race relentlessly.
Ears that hear the voice of the voiceless
And mouths that speak for them,
And for all the ears which will not hear
Without a herald.

I sing the Body electric,
Which shocked me out of death,
Paddles on a heart that did not love.
A mustard seed faith
Led to a miniscule prayer
Which asked for friends
And led me to the Body electric
Through a different type of friend
Than I bargained for—boy,
Was that friend a good one.
But that mustard tree didn’t stop there.
It led me to a precious blossom
In gray hoodie and jeans,
Better than I could ask or imagine—best
Friends are forever in the Body electric,
Faithful foundation from fire.
When I asked for a fish I didn’t get a stone,
Or a fish, but a feast.
As some slipped away,
A cat crawled in and lay on my lap
And taught me a gentle zeal.

This is why I sing the Body electric,
A shock to life, a spark to love.
The Body eclectic,
A feast full of friends,
The Body eccentric,
Strangers in a strange land,
The Body of Christ.

How was 2009? It was just fine. Compared to last year it was fairly un-dramatic for me, in a good way.

But of course serving the Lord never lacks excitement. It was the year of The Article, the year we learned that persecution actually grows a church. It was the year we moved to the Michaleks. The year of the gum grafts, so everyone got to see how anxious and obsessive I am. The year Neil took Perspectives—always a dangerous move. And the year we took our second stab at buying a house, but couldn’t.

Probably the biggest change for me was moving to the Michaleks. It was such a great decision, I can’t believe it took us so long to make the move! So thank you Dar for suggesting it, and Mark and Diana for having us! I would definitely recommend “married ministry houses” to anyone with the space. Or even if you don’t quite have the space, which is probably how the Michaleks feel, squished into the top story of their house with a baby—no, a toddler! It’s probably how my spaghetti feels, too.

Living with others revealed my sin, as I expected. Diana indicated she felt like I judge her. I wanted to ask, “Why do you feel judged by me?” But I caught myself as I realized the answer: because I was judging her! As much as I loved living with her, I couldn’t help thinking she was doing everything all wrong. It was stupid stuff, and I had to learn how to let it go and realize there’s more than one way to skin a cat. Apologizing to her and talking about it brought us closer, though. I’m not judgment-free, but it always helps to recognize it and remember how sinful and irrational I am, and how God graciously saved me from worse judgment than I know.

What I really love about living there is getting to hang out with Diana so much. For the most part we get a running commentary on each other’s lives, and I love it! Whenever we get back from a meeting or just hanging out with someone, we can share what happened. We always mourned that we didn’t get to live in a ministry house together but now we had this awesome opportunity. It’s also fun on the rare occasion that all four of us are home and get to talk. Now I’m glad our last house deal fell through. Seven-tenths of a mile is close, but eight doors down will be way better!

This year also taught me to let indigenous leaders lead their church. I should’ve caught the idea after stepping aside in the Michalek home church a year and a half ago, to their great success. But I must be a slow learner, as I was still micro-managing Word like we did back when they were in junior high. A word of advice: when the students start complaining about activities, it’s time to let them take over. We also allowed only a select handful of “experienced” students teach home church, and a swarm of a dozen adults hovered over their meetings.

With the help of Lina, Keith, Rolland Allen, and the students we slowly realized it was truly the students’ ministry. It never was ours and never would be. Still, it took a minute for the implications of our revelation to penetrate. We made a few attempts at delegation and succeeded in bringing on more students leaders, but we finally got it when the students decided to have home church every week, plan their own activities, and decrease the number of adults per meeting.

Next thing we knew, the home church was seeing forty or more students each week. We decided to split, at least for a while. Roland Allen says, “The wind blows where it will” (wind = Holy Spirit as per John 3). We never know where he’s going to take us next. No matter what home church you’re in, one of the best lessons you can learn is that it’s never really your ministry. It’s the Lord’s. We refer to it in first person possessive for simplicity’s sake, and that’s fine. But it’s never really ours to control, ours to grow, or ours to take our identity from. So think about where the Wind is blowing and how you can cooperate, and give others the chance to participate, too.

In related news, Neil took Perspectives class this year and we went to The Journey Deepens missions retreat. We didn’t conclude much, but I did learn a lot about my fleshly willpower. Keith confronted me about it (while I was trying to have an infantile argument with him). I always sort of thought my strong will was sort of a good thing (although I knew some drawbacks). I knew if I was accomplishing things because of my will and not God’s power, it was worth nothing, but I don’t think I really believed it. That I can function through tasks and get ‘er done isn’t actually a strength if I’m not relying on the Lord, because “when I am weak, then I am strong.” So my will needs to break, is what I really learned from our missions inquiry. We’re still on our “journey” to discern God’s role for us in missions, but we’re not charging ahead at breakneck speed anymore, and I’m content.

Some books make you angry. Others make you drowsy. Why We Love the Church manages to do both, often simultaneously. I should’ve predicted both reactions from the subtitle, which prompted me to read the book: “In Praise of Institution and Organized Religion.” It’s baffling that anyone would defend institutional Christianity and organized religion, and I certainly wasn’t convinced.

Co-authors Kevin DeYoung and Ted Kluck , pastor and “member” of University Reformed Church in Michigan, respectively, denounce “revolutionaries” in favor of the “traditional and old.” Their sad attempt at humorous, conversational writing adds to the irritation of their thesis that we should persist in the old, humdrum way of doing church. They dismiss the statistics showing Americans’ mass exodus from church, only to argue a page later such an exodus isn’t a bad sign since Jesus said “small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it.” And they assert there’s no New Testament command or emphasis (?!) to grow. Their argument from silence for the former is no more convincing than their misinterpretation of the New Testament for the latter. If growth isn’t emphasized or at least valued, why does Luke repeatedly record the number of believers being added in Acts? Why does Paul praise the churches (the Thessalonians, for example) for spreading the gospel? But in keeping with their Reformed theology they eliminate any concern for growth with the statement, “no one can change the number of God’s elect.”

The authors are committed to the gospel and its love ethic, but they don’t see this as revolutionary because they’re enamored with tradition. Consequently they cannot conceive of church without a worship service, or a meeting without professional teaching. Ultimately this leads to a consumerist approach to church. Kluck writes:

“I’m also glad that my church is ‘organized.’ I’m glad I know where to put my toddler on Sunday morning. I’m glad somebody was institutional enough to think through topics for a Sunday school class or two. I’m glad my pastor, rather than just freewheeling it, cares enough to study Scripture and a bookshelf full of dead authors to give me real spiritual food each Sunday….I’m glad somebody (not me) makes sure the kids are learning something biblical in their classes. It is, at its most basic, organized religion. And I love it.”

I’m glad he’s grateful for the ways his church is serving him, but this selfish argument for “organized religion” doesn’t pull any biblical weight. The fact that I like eating ice cream doesn’t make it good for me. Bruxy Cavey addresses this point well in The End of Religion when he writes, “The problem with organized religion isn’t that it’s organized. It’s that it’s religion.” Amen!

It seems the authors wrote this book to refute emergents who are leaving church in favor of frequenting Starbucks and soup kitchens. This (other) selfish view of church needs to be challenged, and the authors are right that believers need to commit to serving in a local body instead of just whining and leaving. But Why We Love the Church has no alternative to help disenchanted people love the church. The authors refer in passing to an array of nauseating fundamentalist practices, from to infant baptism to the “turn and greet your neighbor” ritual, to clone-like greeters and open mic nights, to the have-six-children-and-home-school consensus of the congregation. They don’t directly endorse all of this, but it’s the snapshot they provide of their beloved church. But how many cynical millenials from broken homes could love such a church?

What the authors fail to see is an option somewhere between leaving church to just golf, and the traditional, unbiblical, outdated worship service of institutional Christianity. Just as Viola, in Pagan Christianity, could only come up with completely unstructured meetings devoid of any teaching, these authors land on the extreme opposite end of the “doing church” continuum. Is there no alternative?

There is, and I think we’ve found it. How about a large meeting with high-quality teaching, discussion, prayer, and fellowship? Then add smaller home groups, also with teaching, sharing, and prayer, plus opportunities for tighter community? And then smaller gender-specific Bible studies where discipleship and intimate relationships are built? But if the authors of the book saw the Xenos model they’d ask, “Where’s the music? Where’s the communion? Where’s the nursery?” They predict that home churches will be the next hot trend in Christianity (old news) but argue for a larger worship service where people can be entertained by clergy teaching and bored by bad singing. In fact, the authors can’t imagine how a church would work without a clergy-laity model.

This two-hundred page book has little real content. The type is double-spaced and the chapters alternate between “theological” pieces by the pastor and “personal” pieces by the sports writer. Ideas are supported by a proof-text or two, or the biblical support is cited but not explained. If it were, readers might see the importance of church as a local Body of Christ which doesn’t consist of worship services in a steepled building. Their support is much more historical than biblical, but history can’t tell us what the church is. They demean those who seek to model the early church by worshipping in houses, arguing that it was done only out of necessity. (But it worked!) And they see Constantine’s politicization of Christianity as helpful.

Speaking of history, the pastor actually defend the Crusades. Go ahead, let your mouth fall open. I, too, am still shocked he even goes there. His rationale is based on the idea of Christendom, or a Christian-political earthly kingdom. He says since Muslims took over Christian lands, the Christians had to go reclaim them for God. If Muslims stormed Washington, he reasons, wouldn’t we go defend our nation’s capitol? Wait, what? That analogy is not analogous at all. A national defense/political issue does not parallel a religious war where atrocities were committed in the name of Christ.

So that’s why I hate Why We Love the Church. I appreciate their argument against the uncommitted emergent church-leavers. But in the end they have nothing better or biblical to offer, and often end up sounding whiny, proud, and selfish themselves. I think they mean well, so I hope they come to their senses and join the revolution. Until then, check out Cavey’s End of Religion which is the polar opposite of Why We Love the Church, from its revolutionary subtitle “Encountering the Subversive Spirituality of Jesus” and message, to its quality writing and biblical content, to its humble tone.

…so Neil renamed “The Journey Deepens” retreat that took us to Philadelphia last weekend along with the Michaleks, Plahutas, and Leons. Indeed, “The Plot Thickens” is a good description of what transpired in the 1880s countryside manor where we stayed. Hosted by World Evangelization for Christ’s U.S. Headquarters, the retreat is designed to help people discover their role in cross-cultural work and determine the next steps in their missions journey.

WEC Center

How did our journey there begin? Neil and I had been mulling over whether Urbana, a missions conference geared for college students, was worth one week and over $2000 in registration fees, travel, and lodging. Then “The Journey Deepens” caught my eye in a Missions Catalyst email. Philly wasn’t too far away so I perused the retreat web site. The description, structure, and price were all right. The small groups with missions coaches sounded best of all. Before I mentioned it to Neil that day, I got another email about it, this time from OMF. I’ve never received an email from OMF unless I contacted them first. But it was a notice about the retreat. We decided to sign up and started trying to recruit the Michaleks.

The next morning our decision was confirmed when Holly McCallum also emailed me about the conference. Soon enough the Michaleks, Plahutas, and Leons were all signed up, too. I started praying that the retreat would prove worthwhile, that we’d get some clarification and answers to questions. God answered my prayers far beyond what I’d imagined!

My two main questions were: 1. Should we go to Thailand with Aor or through a missions agency’s short-term trip? and 2. If/when/how should I pursue some type of ESL training? Of course we also wondered “Should we go?” but that seemed too big a question to be answered in one weekend, and I was right.

Unreached People Groups

So here’s how God answered my questions through this retreat. Two days before we left, Aor left me a message while I was swimming. She said she had to return to Thailand suddenly because her mother was having surgery. This is significant because we were considering going to Thailand with her when she returned to visit family for several weeks in December. But now that she went on short notice in June, how would she have the money to go again in December? We would probably have to wait another year or more and we wanted to take a trip sooner to gage our interest in the culture.

The reason we wanted to go with her was so we could see the culture first-hand, through the eyes of a national. But we also wanted to hook up with at least one missionary or missions agency while there. We didn’t want to spend more money on an expensive short-term trip and be able to serve in a small way, without getting to see much of the country or the people. But the missionaries at the retreat recommended going on a short-term “vision” trip, rather than a service missions trip. They said it’s possible to visit a number of missionaries and ministries throughout the country, as well as to visit a language training center. This is supposedly the best way to get a feel for if you’d like to consider long-term work in that culture.

Regarding ESL, I was told it’s always a useful training for cross-cultural work, and the endorsement to my teaching license was probably the best way to go. But one missionary raised a good point: it might be better to go on the “vision” trip first, see what kind of work we’re interested in doing, and then decide if/what type of training to get. I’m glad I heard this because I don’t want to spent $6000 or more on courses that won’t be helpful to me. In the mean time I can take a certificate course at Hudson Community Chapel for $50-100 and get the basics.

The eight Xenoids were together in the small group which was nice because we didn’t have to go over our backgrounds to understand each other, and we didn’t have to listen to people’s weird theologies or corny platitudes. One of our coaches reaches out to Chinese students at American universities, as well as leading short-term English-teaching trips to China. His organization, Chinese Outreach Ministry, will be a valuable contact for Craig and Jackie’s International Student Bible Study. They even have a branch of their ministry at Kent State. Our other coach spent 35 years translating the Bible in the Philippines and now recruits for Wycliffe.

Our small group

The coaches offered useful practical advice and shared great personal experiences (once the translator’s husband was kidnapped by an Al Queda-trained group!), but I was longing to talk with a church-planter. Jackie found one (I think she met everyone there) and I enjoyed listening to her stories but they didn’t answer any of my questions. And she wasn’t there as a missions coach; she was living at WEC before departing to Spain in a month.

Next on the schedule was a missionary forum to answer our questions. The first panelist introduced himself as Steve Niphakis, church-planter in Thailand for eleven years, Thai language and cultural training director for six years, and now a recruiter for OMF. His answers during the panel were very helpful and Neil and I approached him immediately after to schedule an appointment during our afternoon break.

He gave us almost two hours and unloaded all sorts of useful, detailed information with impeccable cheerfulness. Maybe that’s what seventeen years in the “Land of Smiles” does to you. He was exactly what we’d prayed to find at this conference: successful church-planting experience in Thailand, highly knowledgeable about language and cultural acquisition, and working for an agency to help get people on the field. Even better, we were already interested in OMF because of the Gibsons and Hudson Taylor.

Neil, Steve, and Mark

And best of all, he said he would be happy to mentor us through the process of becoming missionaries if that’s the route we want to take. He offered to meet us at our home or his (in PA) to figure out what type of training and preparation we need. And he’s even willing to meet with people in our fellowship if they have questions or want help becoming a sending church.

He also said some interesting things during the panel about his love-hate relationship with the American church. And in answers to Neil’s question about choosing a field and agency, he said “Your team is more important than your field. You can play on a lot of different fields if you’re on a good team, but if you’re team isn’t right, it doesn’t matter what field you’re playing on, you can’t win.” This analogy to sports was actually helpful and describes how I feel. I’m interested in Thailand but I’d be happy to serve in other places as well. But if we become missionaries, we want the agency to have the same values and ideas about ministry, their vision, doctrine, etc.

OMF’s mission seems to match our own: they’re into establishing indigenous church-planting movements where the churches are reproducing within their country and sending to others nations, especially places closed to whites. Many OMF missionaries are doing pioneer work in unreached areas, and the existing Thai churches are very community-oriented.

OMF is praying for 100 new workers to Thailand. Now I can see why. Steve thinks Thailand is on the verge of exponential growth. The recent political unrest has left Thai people, especially youth, looking for a change. The country is politically open and missionary visas are available. Churches are being planted and Thai people are interested in Americans and therefore willing to make friendships with them.

Steve recommended applying to agencies early because it can take four years to even begin language training. If you apply early, he said, the agency can help you determine the preparation and training you need. So we need to think and pray seriously about whether we want to take the step of applying. We came away from this retreat with some “next steps”: stay in touch with Steve about developing an action plan and think about planning a “vision trip” to Thailand. At the same time he is encouraging us to talk to our “pastor” about this direction and make sure we’re on the same page with OMF as far as theology, ethos, methods, etc. before we go any further.

All the missionaries strongly recommended developing a strong support group who will pray for us as “the plot thickens.” We’re blessed to have such a close fellowship of believers who are interested in what we’re doing. But if you read this and want to commit to praying for us regularly, please let me know and I’ll keep you updated about our deepening journey.

We all love the Internet, we all have the Internet, and most of us are paying for the Internet. Here’s how the Internet can save you money.

If you can “borrow” Internet from a neighbor who failed to secure their network, do it. It isn’t illegal or unethical as long as you don’t access their personal information. If an individual chooses not to secure their network, they’re sharing, so enjoy. If you can’t borrow, figure out if you can split with a neighbor. Internet service is expensive, but if you have a neighbor you trust and are able to pick up a wireless signal then why not split the cost?

The internet can save you lots of money on consumer goods. For example, the Cuyahoga Falls library has a database of movie titles you can download for free. And of course there are many free mp3s and podcasts of music, news, Bible teachings, radio programs, and much more. Keep up on pop culture without paying for cable by watching television shows and music videos on YouTube and other such sites.

The Internet is also good for “shopping around” without wasting gas money and time. Instead you can check stores’ web sites to price and compare an item you need. I do this before buying anything out of the ordinary, such as a gift or new appliance. The disadvantage is that usually stores that sell close-outs don’t have their inventory on-line. (That would be nearly impossible.) But if you’re planning to buy an item in a regular retail store comparing prices on-line is fast and free. I often compare prices at Walmart, Target, Kohls, and Bed, Bath, and Beyond online before making a purchase.

Another great way the Internet can save you money is through money-saving blogs, web sites, coupons, and emails. Check out the following sites:

Savebenjis.com: use this iphone app at the store or your home computer to read product reviews and find the best current price for a particular item. It will tell you the going rates at amazon, ebay, and many other sites and stores.
Slickdeals.net: every day this web site lists great deals, often available for purchase on the Internet. Some typical items include clothing, household items, and restaurant dining.
Woot.com: “One day, one deal” is their slogan. Sign up for their daily email, which sends one hot deal a day, from electronics to fast food, and everything in between.
Dealnews.com: features several great deals every day, from laptops to apparel. Includes items for purchase, sometimes with free shipping.
Craigslist.com: search your local area and use savebenjis.com to compare prices. Keep your eyes open for scams, and never meet someone alone in their home. Either take a friend or meet in a public place. Not only can find great deals on this site, but you avoid shipping costs by purchasing locally and picking up the item.
Ebay.com: a great place to buy and sell, but only if you know the going rate. Make sure you’re getting a better deal than retail or Craigslist, don’t bid above that, and remember to factor in shipping costs. Keep in mind that it can be hard to compete with snipers, who can use software to automatically re-bid every second!
Amazon.com: if you’re going to spend over $25 on new products, you get automatic free shipping. This is a great place if you want to buy gifts or otherwise don’t want used items. Their prices on new items are usually far cheaper than chain retail stores like Borders and Barnes and Noble. And their used collection isn’t bad, but the prices rarely beat half.com.
Half.com: the best place to buy used books, whether you’re looking for college textbooks, light reading, or anything in between. Standard shipping is $3.99, but it’s still usually a better deal than anywhere else.
Entertainment.com: if you don’t want to buy the book, sign up for a free trial and choose free printable coupons for your area.
BetterWorld.com: shop more than two million new and used books at bargain prices. Their prices may not beat half.com, but shipping is free within the U.S. So do the math and find the best deal. Plus they donate a portion of their revenues to literacy causes.
RetailMeNot.com: search this web site to find “secret” coupon codes for online shopping. This site includes customer reviews about which coupons actually work, and under what conditions.
DSIREUsa.org: Some states or localities will offer a discount on energy-efficient appliance purchases. Check here to find out if you can save money on your next appliance. Discounts organized by state.
Gutenberg.org offers 2,000 classic titles for free download.
PlasticJungle.com: buy and sell unwanted gift cards on this web site for an average discount of 15%. The site verifies the balances to make sure buyers don’t get ripped off.

Be a fashion revolutionary, not a fashion icon! To do this, you must first forget the fashion falsehoods. Fashion sells the lie that you need new clothes every season, or even every year. This is not based in reality at all. I have clothes that have lasted since high school. Granted, they aren’t the most stylish (they weren’t back then, either). But if you buy quality basics, you should be able to wear them much longer than a season or even a year.

Fashion is really just another aspect of consumerism, but it’s particularly tempting as it’s so closely tied to identity, perhaps especially for females. In response to the air-brushed models and well-styled actresses flooding the media, we believe the lie that our looks determine our value. Soon we are slaves to our appearance. If we don’t have the right clothing, shoes, purse, jewelry, and make-up, we are unattractive and therefore worthless. If we say we don’t believe this, let’s live like it, too!

To fight the fashion myths, wait until your clothes are really worn out or don’t fit, and then shop at thrift stores, clearance racks, and sales. You don’t need to be in style or have your clothes fit like they’re tailored. At the same time, don’t buy clothes that are obviously cheaply made. For example, many of the mall stores with teeny-bopper-type clothes have cheap prices but the clothes fall apart in less than a year. Find stores that sell quality items for less, but always consider whether you could do better at the thrift or second-hand store.

All the same principles apply for shoes, pursues, and other accessories. Why do you need five purses? Just get something basic that will match many outfits and seasons. Don’t buy into the myth that you need shoes and accessories to perfectly match every outfit. Who cares if the shade or style is a little off? We’re revolutionaries, not fashion icons!

While the fashion industry is quite artificial since no one needs new clothes each season, fashion itself can be an art form that reflects the beauty of God’s creation and His creative image stamped in us. So I’m not saying it’s wrong to match, or wear flattering clothing, or buy a new dress once in a while. It is harmful, denigrating, and enslaving to take our identity from what we wear and frivolously spend on clothes when there are better ways to use our money.

So what is a revolutionary to do?

Recognize the difference between want and need. Maybe you’d like a new pair of shoes to match a particular outfit, but if you’re like me and already own a dozen pairs, you probably don’t need them. Most likely you own something suitable, if not entirely fashionable. Learn to let go of the idea that you have to look red-carpet ready to go the grocery store, or even to a wedding.

When you do need something, shop around for a good price. Depending on the item, consider trying a thrift store or second-hand shop first. Most Goodwill and Salvation Army stores have dressing rooms, which is a big advantage because it’s a waste of money to buy something only to find out it doesn’t fit. And most thrift stores have “deal” days, like the Cuyahoga Falls Salvation Army has fifty percent all items on Wednesday. The Village Discount Outlet has different tag colors fifty percent off every day, and on Mondays one tag color is only fifty cents. Of course thrift shopping always involves the luck of the draw and takes more time. If possible, try to go early to get the best deals.

At the mall, avoid stores where clothing is inexpensive but cheaply made. I find that Express and Limited brands hold up well. Most of the clothes I’ve had since high school (I graduated seven years ago), are from these stores. So if you go to the mall, head to the clearance racks at the back of the store. If you’re looking for something in particular, keep in mind that the cheapest items are those just going out of season. So think ahead and then shop ahead (or behind) as appropriate. Kohl’s often has very good clearance, although I don’t fit into their misses sizes, and I find their juniors items to be less well-made. There are bargains to be had, so don’t give up hope. For example, I didn’t pay more than $10 for any of the jeans I own, and I bought them new at the mall.

If you’re small, try buying socks and shoes from the children’s section. I’ve found good particularly good deals on tennis shoes (half the price of the same adult shoes).

Buy men’s dress-casual clothes new, on clearance racks or sales. Men tend to hang onto their clothes longer than women, meaning that the thrift store collection is often missing buttons and full of sweat stains, food stains, rips, and holes. There are occasional deals to be had on unworn items, but generally I don’t find it worth an hour to find one such item. I usually get Neil’s shirts and dress pants on sale or clearance at Kohl’s.

Another good strategy is to borrow and get hand-me-downs from people less cheap than you. Here’s a dirty little secret: the cheap people need the not-so-frugal people to save money. Without them there would be no thrift stores, no hand-me-downs worth handing down, and no one’s closet to raid. My sisters and I share clothes sometimes, although less frequently now that we live further apart, and I welcome hand-me-downs, especially from my fashion designer sister! Always remember to take good care of other people’s clothes if they’re on loan, though. One of my sisters ruined a most fabulous find of mine, a light blue silk blouse I got on clearance at Banana Republic for $5. In trying to return it to me clean, she put it through both the washer and dryer. So be careful with other people’s stuff!

Once you’ve got your new or new-to-you rags, take care of them! This will make them last much longer. The best way to extend a garment’s lifespan is not wash it too frequently. Of course you’ll wash your undergarments and exercise gear often. But with jeans and sweaters, the more expensive items, don’t wash every time you wear. Unless you’ve spilled something on them, there’s really no need to wash after one or two wears. I wash one pair of jeans per week unless I spill something on them. My sister designed denim for Express and she agrees with this advice.

I barely believe in dry-cleaning. I’ve taken Neil’s suit to be dry-cleaned once in the five years he’s owned it. And I took a wool coat once, with a coupon of course! That’s the extent of my dry-cleaning experience. Instead of spending money at the cleaners, I avoid buying dry-clean only clothes. My husband is less careful about this and has gifted me with a number of dry-clean only garments like wool sweaters. He even managed to find a pair of exercise pants that aren’t supposed to be machine washed. Can you think of anything more impractical?

So what is a frugal wife to do with such items? It’s what I call “home dry cleaning.” First, wash items only when needed, like if there’s a stain or it’ stinky or sweaty. Next, most items can be cleaned in a gentle, cold water cycle in a washing machine. Just don’t put the item in the dryer—I shrunk more than one sweater that way. If the item will lose shape, lay it flat to dry; otherwise hang it up right away.

If the no-machine-wash item is extremely delicate, such as with beadwork or silk, wash it by hand when necessary. Use lukewarm water and just a dab of laundry detergent. Scrub stained areas or the armpits by gently rubbing the fabric against itself. Then wring it out and hang or lay flat to dry.

One of the big advantages of dry-cleaning is that your clothes come back pressed and ready to wear. But there’s
a way to avoid both dry-cleaning and ironing. I buy wrinkle-resistant dress clothes for Neil, and generally stay away from clothes that requiring ironing for me. Wrinkle-resistant fabric is very common in men’s dress clothes so it usually doesn’t cost more, especially when you’re shopping clearance and sales. Really resisting wrinkles takes some diligence with the laundry, though. You can’t let the clothes sit in the drier after the cycle is finished. It actually works best to take them out while they’re still slightly wet, or immediately after they’ve dried. Hang them immediately, squarely on the hangers, in a way that does not smash the clothes into each other. Using this method I only iron about once every three weeks because Neil still has some shirts that aren’t wrinkle-resistant. Using the method above makes ironing easier for all types of fabric.

To make bras last longer I wash them in a bra ball, also called a lingerie bag. It’s a little mesh bag that zips open so you can put small delicate items inside. I purchased one at Bed, Bath, and Beyond for $4 with a coupon, which is much cheaper than buying a new bra.

I recently finished reading The Case for the Creator and I recommend it to anyone who hasn’t read it. Lee Strobel does a great job making the scientific evidence for God understandable and interesting. I’m a bit late for a book review since it was published five years ago, but I’ll recount my favorite parts.

Strobel dismantles the icons of evolution presented in high school biology books, the very same images and “information” that led him and many others into atheism. First was the Miller-Ulrey experiment, in which a container of gases was zapped with electricity and “poof!”—life appeared. Actually, the reproduced early atmosphere was inaccurate: instead of being hydrogen-rich, scientists have determined there was very little hydrogen. And the molecules that were produced were still far from assembling life. In fact, toxic molecules like cyanide formed.

Then there’s Darwin’s tree of life, which I just ran across a drawing of at the Smithsonian Natural History Museum. But the fossil record, which Darwin knew didn’t exist “yet” when he drew the tree, never materialized. Instead the record shows a “Cambrian explosion” where lots of new and different forms of life appeared in a very short span of time, which is exactly the opposite of evolution!

Next he talked about Haeckel’s embryos, drawings that showed similarities between the embryos of different species. However, the drawings don’t match photographs. Haeckel purposely fudged the drawings to make them appear more similar than they really are. He was accused of fraud when he published in the 1860s, but science books today still contain this misinformation. He also selectively chose examples of species that happened to be more similar, while ignoring those that didn’t suit his agenda. And he omitted the early stages and starts at the midpoint, the time when the embryos of various species look most alike in the process called the “hourglass of development.”

And what about the prebiotic (primordial) soup? Sorry, no soup for you! There’s simply no evidence for the ancient chemical ocean that most origin-of-life theories presuppose. There was not enough nitrogen in the early atmosphere (0.015%) to compose the nitrogenous amino acids which are essential to life. And the earliest sediments on earth do not contain nitrogen-rich minerals. Even if such a soup did exist, there would have been serious problems with amino acids reacting with other chemical to produce substances that are threatening to life.

I found the kalam argument fascinating. It states: everything that begins to exist has a cause. The universe began to exist. Therefore, the universe has a cause. William Lane Craig’s arguments prove the first two statements true, so it follows that the conclusion is valid. First, he shows that, though the ancient Greeks believed in an eternal universe, science, math, and philosophy all show that the universe began at some point in time. No scientists really argue otherwise today. Craig even demonstrates that the universe requires a personal creator, because there are two explanations for every effect: the scientific/physical explanation, or the personal/volitional reason. He uses the examples of, “Why is that water boiling?” You can answer by explaining the physics of water molecules being heated to their boiling point, or you can explain that you wanted to make a cup of tea. But before the universe began to exist there were no physical laws, because there was nothing physical to be governed by them.

Strobel also covers the “anthropic fine-tuning” which refers to the incredibly precise values involved in the physics necessary for the universe to support life. One common example is earth’s distance from the sun. If we were further or closer, it would be too hot or cold for life, and there would be no water. If gravity were just a hair stronger, humans would be crushed. The cosmological constant—the energy density of empty space—is surprisingly small and inconceivably precise. And the difference in mass between neutrons and protons, if changed a tiny bit, would make nuclear fusion impossible for stars, and thus there would be no energy source for life. In summary, the size, location, gravity, composition, structure, atmosphere, temperature, internal dynamics, plate tectonics, and many other factors about Earth uniquely support life.

The sun uniquely supports life with its size, the colors it emits, its long life-span, and the stability of its light output, which only varies 0.1% in eleven years. Earth’s orbit is just right, and other planets and the moon shield us from asteroids and comets (consider the moon’s pocked surface).In addition to the unbelievable precision that makes life possible in the universe, many other factors suggest that the universe was “designed for discovery.” Apparently earth has a singularly good vantage point for seeing and studying the universe. The clarity of the atmosphere is rare, and earth has a rare view of eclipses. The book refers to the “convergence of habitability and measurability,” or the idea that it’s not only very unique and unlikely that Earth supports human life, but also that the universe and life are governed by such precise laws and principles which we have the capacity to discover.

Strobel interviewed Behe about irreducible complexity, and his argument that cell couldn’t have evolved to their current state because they can’t function with any less complexity held up under Strobel’s interrogation.

The Case for the Creator also contains the familiar vast mathematical improbability that random chemicals formed specific proteins that compose precise amino acids, which order themselves into long specific sequences to create DNA. And there’s much more to life than just DNA. It’s like throwing a bunch of Scrabble pieces down and hoping to write Hamlet—impossible.

The final chapter touches on the interesting topic of consciousness. We all sense that the brain and mind are not synonymous, that there is a part of us that is not determined purely by the physical. J.P. Moreland describes consciousness as sensations, thoughts, emotions, desires, beliefs, and free choices that make us alive and aware. If humans are only physical then consciousness doesn’t exist and there can be no first person point of view; there is no such thing as free will, and therefore no responsibility; and there is disembodied intermediate state, as described by people who had near-death and out-of-body experiences. Experiments have shown that there is no part of the brain where electrical stimulation will cause a patient to believe or to decide. Other studies have shown that the mind has a causal power independent of the brain’s activities. The private nature of introspection, REM and dreaming, and our experience of the soul also provide reason to believe in human consciousness.

In high school ministry we schedule at least one activity a week, but it’s hard to keep it up when most people are broke. So I came up with a list of inexpensive ministry activities (some of which could also serve as family, friend, or date activities). Some are free; others are cheap when everyone participates. These are not all my ideas, but ideas collected from people over the years. Have fun!

Lu’au: Make a playlist by borrowing Hawaii/tropical CDs from the library and/or downloading music. Ask people to dress in tropical/summer clothing. Have a hula hoop contest, a limbo contest, and search the Internet for other Hawaiian-themed games. Make desserts using pineapple and coconut. Ask people to pitch in for pineapple pizza ($5 for Pizza Hut’s Pizza Mia, plus 10% for your first on-line order).

Burning tongues party: Party like it’s Pentecost at this spicy-food themed party (invented by the Michalek home church). Ask everyone to bring a spicy dish, and have a few people bring something bland to cleanse the palate. It might be a good idea to have some Tums on hand as well. Make a playlist of songs that use the word “hot” (there’s more than enough of those).

Culinary contest: Ask everyone to bring their best gourmet creation. Provide plates, forks, and napkins and number the dishes. Have everyone sample the food and then vote on 1-3 favorites, then announce the winners. This activity allows for good conversation while people eat. It might be helpful to break dishes into categories like appetizers, entrees, and desserts. And you might judge on multiple aspects such as taste, presentation, originality, etc. if you want to get more involved.

Film festival: Ask individuals and/or cell groups to create a movie. Let people know far in advance, at least a month or two, so they can write, film, and edit their movie. People could dress up red carpet style. Serve popcorn and show each of the films. Allow the creators to introduce their movies. This could also be a contest if people voted on their favorite film. Or there could be an award given to each movie for a distinctive feature.

Dollar movie theater: Movies 10 in North Canton shows ten second-run films everyday for $1-2 dollars. These movies are shown right after they leave the main movie theaters so they’re not too out-dated. Also, the Linda Theater in Akron shows one second-run movie a week for $3. It’s neat because it’s at an old theater, but it isn’t in a great area. Both theaters have their showings listed on moviefone.com.

Bonfire: Bring some marshmallows and a camp chair and settle in for a good conversation around the fire. Initiate a discussion topic, such as one related to the CT or home church teaching.

Take a walk: This activity is better for smaller groups, families, or couples. When it’s nice out explore the neighborhood. It’s good exercise and a great chance to talk and enjoy nature.

Themed dance party: Choose a decade (70s, 80s) or a style (swing, salsa) and dress appropriately. Make a playlist and dance the night away!

Rock Star, Karaoke, or DDR: This of course is only cheap if someone already owns the games and system. Take turns watching and playing these interactive games.

Go to the park: Another small-group activity. Check out Google maps and find a park you’ve never been to, or visit an old favorite. If it’s not too far, take a walk to get there. Don’t forget a water bottle.

Make sundaes: Ask everyone to bring a different flavor of ice cream or type of topping, and have a couple people bring bowls and spoons. Assign a few people to serve the ice cream (and the toppings if there are kids). Then strike up a good convo while you eat.

Amazing Race: Create clues that will take different teams around town in search of their next clue. First to reach the final destination wins. Ask Ted Howell about the details because he knows how it’s done.

Scavenger Hunt: Create a list of odd objects to collect or pictures to take. Assign different point values based on difficulty. Break into teams and see who can gain the most points in a set period of time. Spending money (and stealing) are off-limits. Teams who arrive late either lose points or get disqualified. Joe Allie is the master of creating scavenger hunts.

Charades: You know how to play. But it’s extra fun when you play at a fast food restaurant.

Pictionary tournament: Get two whiteboards or chalkboards and break into two teams. If people are too loud, have the teams go one at a time and see if they can beat the timer, not the other player, for their point.

Board game night: Ask everyone to bring a board game and set up some card tables.

Cards: I don’t know how to play anything but War, Go Fish, and Speed, but other people do so get some Poker or Euchre or Blackjack going and have fun! With Chill we used to set up tables and do a casino night for the infamously unspendable “Chill Bucks.”

Road trip: Announce a road trip and travel to anywhere—it’s about the journey, not the destination. Head to a far-away restaurant or check out a meeting in Xenos Columbus.

Field Day Day: Remember field day at school? Plan various events like 50-yard dash, 100-yard dash, three-legged race, dizzy lizzy, tug-of-war, relays, etc.

Sports: Soccer, softball, volleyball, kickball, Frisbee soccer, or any other team torture (I mean sport) you can think up. But I think basketball and football are too rough for co-ed games.

Crafts: This is a girls’ small group or family activity. Make ornaments, gifts, jewelry, or a host of other items. Check the Internet for corny craft ideas.

White Elephant gift exchange: As Christmas approaches host a white elephant gift exchange. Everyone brings an object they already own but are willing to give away. Wrap the item up—the fancier, the better. Then have someone choose an item. The next person can choose the same item or a different one, and on until the last person has chosen their item. Then everyone opens them and laughs at the weird stuff people wrapped up. Play Christmas music and wear your Christmas sweater (see below).

Ugly Sweater Christmas party: (credit to Kay Homer) Everyone goes to the thrift store and buys a corny Christmas sweater and/or other Christmas apparel (earrings, turtlenecks, vests, etc.) and wears it to the party. Make a runway and have everyone model their sweater for a panel of judges. Award the winners with cheap candy canes.

Rockin’ on the River: Cover or tribute bands play downtown Cuyahoga Falls most Friday nights in the summer. Check the city calendar for these free concerts. Just beware of the concessions—that’s where they get you.

Local festivals: Look on-line for the dates of local festivals and go together as a group.

Talent Show: this is best for junior high group or younger. Hold a talent show where students can showcase their skills. Invite judges from other ministries and have them act like the American Idol judges, commenting on each act. Award everyone a prize.

$5 fashion show: Go to the thrift store or Gabriel Brother’s. Assign teams of five. Each person pitches in up to $5 to create a fashion-forward outfit. At a home where a “runway” has been prepared, each team chooses a model, dresses them, and does their hair and make-up. Put on some techno music and have the models walk for a panel of judges and audience. Give awards for the best outfit and best walk. Allow designers to explain their outfit before it goes on the runway.

Home coffee bar: For groups where hy[eractivity isn’t a problem, make some strong coffee, steam some milk, and use syrups and whipped cream to create your own mochas and lattes. Or get a blender and make frappaccinos in the summer. Check the Internet for recipes. Another great activity for good conversation.

Hiking: Check out the Cuyahoga Valley National Park and go on a group hike. Consider packing a picnic.

Swimming: Find a friend with a pool or a local lake (Munroe Falls is $4) and have fun in the sun.

Spa night/makeovers: With a girls small group, paint each others’ nails, give massages, do makeovers, and find recipes for face masks or foot baths.

Weight lifting: With a guys’ small group, get some barbells and find some space to lift and do push-ups, sit-ups, and whatever guys do to try to get buff.

Go to Walmart: and be goofy (but not obnoxious). Challenge people to find the cheapest item. Try on a ridiculous outfit. Buy a Slurpie. Look at the fish. Play with the toys. Do a cartwheel. Marvel at the diversity created by American capitalist consumerism.

Bollywood night: With a girls’ small group, rent some Bollywood videos, buy some chutney (or popcorn), and enjoy the corniness and colors of India drama, song, and dance.